More bout Selective Mutism

Growing up with Selective Mutism was literally like living hell on earth. It felt to me as if everyone I knew was punishing me for having this. For having some thing I had no control over. As if I chose to have Selective Mutism. This was not some thing I wanted. I didn't have any control over it. I didn't chose to have it.

I got in trouble a lot in school for things i didn't do cause i couldn't explain what really happened. And it wasn't fair. Because I couldn't talk i had to deal with it and get blamed. It seemed as if everyone was taking advantage of the fact i couldn't talk. They knew I wouldn't be able to explain what really happened. I even got in trouble for having SM. I got in trouble for not talking.

I did have A LOT of friends in school despite my SM. I was able to talk to a bunch of kids. In second grade I had like 20-25 kids in my class. I talked to EVERYONE. Which was a new recored for me lol. I talked to all the kids in my second grade class. I did feel sorry for my teacher. She was the sweetest teacher i'd ever had. She never yelled at me for not talking. She was so patient with me. I never really talked to her. But she did get to hear my voice once.

I was talking to my friend. And some times when i talk i can get a bit loud. I get that from my mom. lol And what ever it was i said. I said it too loud and she over heard me. So at least she got to hear me talk once. I don't know how many schools have this system. But at mine you had this chart that hung on a wall. On the chart would be your name and a pocket under your name. Inside would be a green, yellow, orange, red and blue card.

Green = You've been good
Yellow = You've had one warning
Orange = You've had two warnings
Red = You've gotten detention
Blue = You've been sent to the Principle

Well in third grade my teacher was trying to make me talk in front of all the kids. Some of them I talked to, there were quite a few i didn't. And I had to stand up in front of every one while she did this to me. She asked me to talk, i think she was trying to get me to read some thing. I dont remember. Well when i refused. She asked me to go over to the chart. And under my name change it from a green card to a yellow. So i did that, she once again asked me to talk and i still did not talk. Well once again she told me to go change my card to an orange card. So i did, she then again told me to talk.

And once again i STILL did not talk. She again made me change my card to a red. Well she asked for the last time. And either i gave in or she gave up. I don't remember. I think I gave in cause she told me her and the kids i didnt talk to would go out in the hall. :( I felt so sorry for those kids. I didn't want to hurt their feelings or nothing. It was just the fact i couldnt talk to them. It wasnt some thing I could control. It wasn't easy for me. They say that is is very frustrating for the parents and teachers. I can tell you for a 100% fact it is 100 times harder for the child who is going though it.

This is the reason for why i was put into home school. My parents were getting to many complaints from teachers that I was talking. Which was completely stupid. Cause at the start of every year. My parents tell the teachers i have Selective Mutism and i cant talk. When I was twelve years old. I had already been in home school for about 2 and a half years. I decided it was enough. I had enough of this disorder. I didn't want to deal with it any more. I had people pressuring me to talk. Which always seemed to make it worse or just not do any thing at all. Cause if you push me to do some thing. The longer its gonna take for me to do it.

What i never consider was to push/pressure myself into talking. So thats what i did. I told myself I cant do this any more. I don't want to get in trouble for not talking any more. I have to do some thing. I have to control this. I don't know exactly how i overcame it. But some how i did. Actually I still have it. Just not as bad as I used to. I still have a hard time talking to people I don't know.

Children suffering from Selective Mutism may: Stand motionless and expressionless, turn his/her head, chew or twirl hair, avoid eye contact or withdraw into a corner. Become anxious before entering an uncomfortable situation, common symptoms of anxiety before social events include: stomach aches, headaches, and other physical ailments.

Children suffering from Selective Mutism will often display additional signs of severe anxiety: separation anxiety, frequent tantrums and crying, moodiness, inflexibility, sleep problems and extreme shyness. These can show up as early as infancy.

Now I am able to talk, but its still hard. I still get real nerves when I have to talk. But I am trying to overcome it more. I am pushing/pressuring myself, and i am even getting help from my friends. They are pushing me to talk as well. Before if some one pushed me it would just make it worse. Now its kind of helping, just as long as you dont go over board with it.