More bout Selective Mutism

Growing up with Selective Mutism was literally like living hell on earth. It felt to me as if everyone I knew was punishing me for having this. For having some thing I had no control over. As if I chose to have Selective Mutism. This was not some thing I wanted. I didn't have any control over it. I didn't chose to have it.

I got in trouble a lot in school for things i didn't do cause i couldn't explain what really happened. And it wasn't fair. Because I couldn't talk i had to deal with it and get blamed. It seemed as if everyone was taking advantage of the fact i couldn't talk. They knew I wouldn't be able to explain what really happened. I even got in trouble for having SM. I got in trouble for not talking.

I did have A LOT of friends in school despite my SM. I was able to talk to a bunch of kids. In second grade I had like 20-25 kids in my class. I talked to EVERYONE. Which was a new recored for me lol. I talked to all the kids in my second grade class. I did feel sorry for my teacher. She was the sweetest teacher i'd ever had. She never yelled at me for not talking. She was so patient with me. I never really talked to her. But she did get to hear my voice once.

I was talking to my friend. And some times when i talk i can get a bit loud. I get that from my mom. lol And what ever it was i said. I said it too loud and she over heard me. So at least she got to hear me talk once. I don't know how many schools have this system. But at mine you had this chart that hung on a wall. On the chart would be your name and a pocket under your name. Inside would be a green, yellow, orange, red and blue card.

Green = You've been good
Yellow = You've had one warning
Orange = You've had two warnings
Red = You've gotten detention
Blue = You've been sent to the Principle

Well in third grade my teacher was trying to make me talk in front of all the kids. Some of them I talked to, there were quite a few i didn't. And I had to stand up in front of every one while she did this to me. She asked me to talk, i think she was trying to get me to read some thing. I dont remember. Well when i refused. She asked me to go over to the chart. And under my name change it from a green card to a yellow. So i did that, she once again asked me to talk and i still did not talk. Well once again she told me to go change my card to an orange card. So i did, she then again told me to talk.

And once again i STILL did not talk. She again made me change my card to a red. Well she asked for the last time. And either i gave in or she gave up. I don't remember. I think I gave in cause she told me her and the kids i didnt talk to would go out in the hall. :( I felt so sorry for those kids. I didn't want to hurt their feelings or nothing. It was just the fact i couldnt talk to them. It wasnt some thing I could control. It wasn't easy for me. They say that is is very frustrating for the parents and teachers. I can tell you for a 100% fact it is 100 times harder for the child who is going though it.

This is the reason for why i was put into home school. My parents were getting to many complaints from teachers that I was talking. Which was completely stupid. Cause at the start of every year. My parents tell the teachers i have Selective Mutism and i cant talk. When I was twelve years old. I had already been in home school for about 2 and a half years. I decided it was enough. I had enough of this disorder. I didn't want to deal with it any more. I had people pressuring me to talk. Which always seemed to make it worse or just not do any thing at all. Cause if you push me to do some thing. The longer its gonna take for me to do it.

What i never consider was to push/pressure myself into talking. So thats what i did. I told myself I cant do this any more. I don't want to get in trouble for not talking any more. I have to do some thing. I have to control this. I don't know exactly how i overcame it. But some how i did. Actually I still have it. Just not as bad as I used to. I still have a hard time talking to people I don't know.

Children suffering from Selective Mutism may: Stand motionless and expressionless, turn his/her head, chew or twirl hair, avoid eye contact or withdraw into a corner. Become anxious before entering an uncomfortable situation, common symptoms of anxiety before social events include: stomach aches, headaches, and other physical ailments.

Children suffering from Selective Mutism will often display additional signs of severe anxiety: separation anxiety, frequent tantrums and crying, moodiness, inflexibility, sleep problems and extreme shyness. These can show up as early as infancy.

Now I am able to talk, but its still hard. I still get real nerves when I have to talk. But I am trying to overcome it more. I am pushing/pressuring myself, and i am even getting help from my friends. They are pushing me to talk as well. Before if some one pushed me it would just make it worse. Now its kind of helping, just as long as you dont go over board with it.

Another Old entry

Here's another really old entry from my old blog.

Thursday | October 04 2007 | 6:19 P.M

Ok a small introduction I'm Kate. I am 16 years old. I just got my braces a month ago. They are kind of bugging the poop out of me. It kind of hard to eat with them cause I also have an expander in as well. I had a BLTP (Bacon Lattes Tomato with Pickles) I had this a few weeks after i get the expander in.

Well it was more of a BLTP Salad. My mom had to cut it up in small bits. It took me all night to finish it. I would eat a little bit then stop. Then go back later and eat more. Then stop and later I would eat more till it was all gone hehe. It was good I only have the top ones on.

Anyways, My expander is cause I have a crossbit were the back teeth on the top dont meet with the bottom. I wear the expander till November 1 hopefully I can get it out then. I have to wear the braces for three years. I am already ready for them to come out. Surprisingly I haven't had alot of pain with them. I've had to have 25 fillings. I only had 2 teeth that didn't have cavities. I've had 25 fillings. And I had to have a root canal.

And I have come though all of this like it was nothing. Cause it really was nothing. I haven't had any pain, (well except my tooth was hurting that was the reason for the root canal.) But I have been very brave though it all. Only 3 more years and I will have perty teeth. The expander hurts when they have to put it in. When my parents have to turn it. Its not really all that bad, its just a pressure.

I've decided to start rewriting my story. Agent Matthews (old title) I have decided to rename it to "Love and murder the deception of love" Its about Alivia Matthews trying to find who killed her sister Stephanie. Steph was in an abusive relationship with Jordan Alexander. Steph was also cheating on him with Matthew. In the process of finding Steph's killer Liv falls in love with Matthew. I have been working on this story for seven years.

OH YES I said seven years. I have been stuck a paragraph and a half into Chapter three. But I have decided to start all over. Cause the way it was SUCKED *** Sorry but it did.

Anyways, maybe one day you will see "Love and murder the deception of love" on store selves. *FINGERS CROSSED* Please keep your fingers crossed, I am hoping and praying that one day I can get it published. My mom wants me to finish one of my stories so we can get them published. I so hope I do *Starts hoping and Praying*

Ummm thats bout it for now

Old entry

Hey guys this was an old entry on my old blog and I just wanted to post it here for you guys to see.

Sunday | November 11, 2007 | 9:05 P.M

I haven't really been feeling all that good in the past week. I haven't eaten much. Just didn't feel like eating and I couldn't. For some reason I just wasn't all that hungry. I felt nauseated just felt like I was going to throw up if I ate. lol Any ways, today wasn't a very lucky day.

My cousin got into a bad car accident. I forgot ever thing my mother said to me bout her. But she was lucky she didn't die. I do know she wasn't wearing a seatbelt and because of this she was thrown from the car. She got pined under the car and has a broken pelvis bone. And all the skin on her back is gone.

My mother was telling me this and as she was. I was starting to get real dizzy. I hadn't eaten much that morning. Cause i couldn't get any thing down. And I walked into the house i blacked out i was still conscious but i couldn't see. (Low Blood Suger was all it was)

I remember leaning against the refrigerator and heard my mom saying. "Do you want us to take you to the ER." And I said no and that was the last thing I remember. I then blacked out completely. I had memory lost the next thing i remember i was leaning over the sink.

But i am fine now all it was was low blood suger from not eating much. Today was just not a very lucky day. WOW!

Selective Mutism

I had a hard time in school cause I had "Selective Mutism"

(Selective Mutism is a complex childhood anxiety disorder characterized by a child’s inability to speak in select social settings, such as school. These children understand language and are able to talk normally in settings where they are comfortable, secure and relaxed.

Over 90% of children with Selective Mutism also have social phobia or social anxiety, and some experts view Selective Mutism as a symptom of social anxiety. Others view it as a separate, but related, disorder.

It is not yet understood why some individuals develop typical symptoms of social anxiety, like reluctance to speak in front of a group of people or feeling embarrassed easily, while others experience the inability to speak that characterizes Selective Mutism.

What is clear is that children and adolescents with SM have an actual fear of speaking and of social interactions where there is an expectation to talk. They may also be unable to communicate nonverbally, may be unable to make eye contact and may stand motionless with fear as they are confronted with specific social settings.

This can be quite heart wrenching to watch, and is often very debilitating for the child as well as frustrating for parents and teachers.)

It was very Hard, I got in trouble for it alot. I went to the principle for some thing I didnt do cause I couldnt explain myself. It hurt when my teachers yelled at me for it. I was able to talk to family but that was it. I did have a few friends in school.

(More on this subject to come)

Get to know me

Nickname-Kate
Height-5"5
Home Place-U.S.A
Hair Type- wavy (THICK) Damn I hate it

Boyfriend- Single (not looking)

First job: Babysitting

Favorite color: Pink, Black

Languages I speaks: A tiny bit of Espanol

Pets: Three dogs, Sammie: Half Lab, Half German Shepherd. Buddy: Tarrier Mix. Takita Maria: Half terrier mix, Half Chihuahua. Turtle: Bubba: Red Ear Slider,

Favorite food: Pizza, Hot dogs,

Habits: I use to bit my nails. Poping my joints, my knuckles, back, neck, knees, toes, wrist, and my ankles. I know I should probably stop right?

Hobbies: Writing, Playing on the computer, Drawing, Singing (even thou i cant), Dancing, Making tomb raider games with the level editor, Making web sites, blogging, graphic designs,

First CD: Britney Spears ...Baby one more time

Kate Interview

Inside or Ouside?

I would have to say both. I love the out doors I love nature. But in doors is where me computer is. *laughs* I am obsessed with my computer.

Blondes or Brunettes?

Brunettes, I dont know why, its just Brunettes turn me on more then blondes hehe

Tattoos or Piercings?

Tattoos. I cant do pain, so I dont think I would do piercings. And I know tats hurt but im sure piercings hurt worse right? I dont have tattoos but I want a cross on my right fore arm.

Letters or Email?

Email. So much easier the letters I think hehe.

Summer or Winter?

Summer cause of July 4th and June 14th my b-day. But winter cause of Xmas.
HAHA. I'd rather be cold then hot. Cause you can always find ways to get warm. But you can never find ways to stay cool.

Quotes:
"Stop complaining that your boobs are to big or their not big enough. Dont freak out cause you broke your whittle nail. Stop caring that your butt is to big or not big enough. Cause there are so many other people in the world that have nothing. You have every thing you can imagine. You have food, clean water, and more importantly you have money. So many people dont have any of that. They dont have homes, enough food, clean water, and they dont even have money. So start thinking about them, cause you can get surgery to fix your boobs. You can exercise to fix your but. You can go to the nail salon to fix your whittle nail. Cause you can afford it, so many people in 3rd world centuries or homeless people all around the world cant."

"If you want some thing done a certain way. Then get up of ya lazy ass and do it ya self. Cause we all do things differently. So don't stand over some one telling them how to do something. Let them do it their way or do it ya self. YA HEAR ME!!! DO IT YOU SELF IF YOU WANT IT DONE A CERTAIN WAY! :P"

Advice

Ok just some thing I came up with a while back when I was bored. Some real and true facts to help some may not actually be true but its nice to know them just incase

Tip #1
Dont ask your boyfriend if you look fat cause its a lose lose situation for him. He will be yelled at either way.

Example #1:

Jenny: *shes getting ready for a party* Hey Lisa do i look fat in these jeans?

Lisa: A little bit

Jenny: Yeah your right *she gose and changes*

If Lisa said no Jenny wouldnt get mad she would still go and change her outfit

Example #2:

Lisa: Alex do i look fat in these jeans?

Alex: Yeah you do

Jenny: WHAT HOW THE HELL COULD YOU SAY THAT?!?!?

If he said no and she found out later he was lying he would still get yelled at Whats up with that. I kind of pitty Alex no matter what he says he will get yelled at. So girls dont ask your boy friend if you look fat. Plus guys dont want you asking them this. Trust me i have plenty of guy friends.

Tip #2

Why do you yell at guys for leaving the tolit seat up? HUH?!?! What they dont bug us about leaving it down so its basecly the same thing.

So stop bugging them about leaving it up. Cause if you do they will start yelling at us for leaving it down.

But I think both lid and seat should go down but let them do it on their own. Or you do it for them.

Tip # 3

Don't except anything from boys... I am talking about compliments and such...It's much nicer to leave them to it... That way they are doing it on their own and it's lovely when he springs up with a surprise comment...

Tip # 4

if you just dated a guy for the first time, DON'T CALL HIM! he will if he's interested, if he don't...well, he's not interested and you should just forget him

A GIRLS HANDBOOK TO GUYS
What Guys Really Mean When....
Keep this in mind next time he changes his font color

Green - I love you!
Blue - I'm cool
Purple - I'm Sexy
Pink - I'm gay
Red - I'm feeling romantic
Yellow - I'm happy
Orange - I'm a psycho
Aqua - I'm sad
Black - I'm falling in love with you

What He Says...What he means

He Says: "I gotta go, I'll call u later"
He means: "Be lucky if I ever call again!"

He says: "I just wanna be friends"
He means: "Thats the excuse I could think of not 2 go out with you"

He says: "Lets go back to my place"
He means: "Lets get it on!"

He says: "I like those pants!"
He means: "I wonder how fast I can get them off of you!"

He says: "You look a lot better this year!"
He means: "Last year you were a ! dog!"

He says: "Yea, you look cute, I guess"
He means: "You are butt ugly!

He says: "I like your shirt a lot" He means: "I like whats under more!"

Keep this in mind next time when he kisses you

A kiss on the hand-Ur nice, but no.

Lips-Your hot

A kiss on the cheek-I love you

Anywhere else-Um...maybe he loves you a lil too much

More will be coming soon.

Tips for guys in relationships or tips to help in life

Very Real and true tips to help guys out some may not actually be ture but some are very true

Tip #1

Why do you think your girl friends freak out so damn much when they find out you had a striper at your party or that you went to a strip club? Why do you think they gett pissed?

It is because you are looking at another woman nake which falls in the same catorgory as cheating.

And why do you guys wanna cheat on us girls huh? I mean if you dont love us any more please tell us it hurts us more when you cheat. If you dont think it is working out with our relationship then tell us dont cheat on us.

Tip #2

Guys wearing a speedo is very unattractive ok if any thing bolges out then please dont wear it it makes some people uncomfortable and there might be kids around. I'm sure i speak for alot of women when i say it is stupid and gross

Youtube Copyright Infringement

Ok this is just bugging the hell out of me. Some one told me that my account was suspended cause maybe some one from Warner bother saw my disturbed videos and got my account suspended for copyright. 1) They always and I mean always give you 3 warnings. 3 Videos get deleted first. And I haven't gotten any emails saying my vids have been deleted. 2) If WB Filed a claim against me and my vids they would have fucking sent me an email about it. 3) I was trying to change my email add. And while confirming it. Thats when it said my account had been suspended. Now I am going to post a couple of quotes from a conversation on the youtube forums.

Poster One

Not only is this not allowed on YouTube, it's against the law. It's
copyright infringement, and the band (or anyone representing them,
such as the record label) has the legal right to demand that YouTube
remove the video. If YouTube have to take down lots of videos from the same account, they will suspend the account.

There is a warning about this clearly displayed on the upload page,
and it is also mentioned in several places in the Help Center and in
the Community Guidelines and Terms of Use.

Poster Two

Whhoaa, for the first time ever I'm gonna disagree with you on this
one rew. You're being too harsh. I totally agree that this seems
"stupid" and "understandable" at the same time! First of all, this
kind of thing is in the *general realm* of things allowed under Fair
Use (I've read some, not guessing). One could argue 1) promotion of
band, 2) nondefamatory nature, 3) creative use of material.

Secondly, even if the owner is being (IMHO!) kinda anal and won't
allow a fan to spend creative time interpreting their art and
marketing and promoting their work, *and* they're in a position where
a court might agree, I think calling this "not allowed on youtube" is
way too harsh. A HUGE chunk of the vids here are fan tributes,
interpretations, covers, lessons, etc etc, including my whole page and
a fan trailer I just spent a week on, not to mention three full time
month of my life [CRYYYY] covering... cov-- I can't even say it. [If
Holywood records sues me for spending 200 hours fingerstyling a lame
pop song they got somethin' else comin' from me] =P =).

Anyway if that's all "not allowed" around here the staff is in
hibernation! I find 1/3 of the *official* music videos are posted by
fans. You can't say "not allowed", then allow 95% of the offenders,
and criticize the other 5%.

I think the problem here (aside from an anal holder) is that cutting a
song to shots of the band doesn't constitute *enough* of a "creative"
interpretation to be seen as something original. But the issue is
extent. Why the heck should only the obsessive fans (like me) with
infinite time on their hands be allowed to tribute and interpret the
music they love??

Metallica took justifiable action (imho) against the worst Napster
violators suing them for examples, BUT, while I agree with their
feelings, they ended up looking anal and disrespectful to their fans
for being the 0.1% of bands to actually sue their fans for basically
copying tapes for their friends losing the band trillions of dollars.

LASTLY, imho (once again) it is _really_ tactless and professionally
rude (and nonstandard) not to approach the user first unless they are
in total violation and obviously can't be asked nicely to stop.
Companies have too much power. Someone's whole personal site will be
bulldozed for posting a buncha pictures because if your site doesn't
make millions, it's inconsequential.

You're now down to a 4.97 star poster and in my book Rew. I'm gonna
petition for your removal.

Poster One

> Whhoaa, for the first time ever I'm gonna disagree with you on this
> one rew. You're being too harsh. I totally agree that this seems
> "stupid" and "understandable" at the same time! First of all, this
> kind of thing is in the *general realm* of things allowed under Fair
> Use (I've read some, not guessing). One could argue 1) promotion of
> band, 2) nondefamatory nature, 3) creative use of material.

I'm not being harsh; it's the law.

What you need to understand about "Fair use" -- since you've read some
-- is that "fair use" is not a right, it is a defence. And that's the
long and the short of it; if DisturbedGoddess's friend wants to
challenge the takedown, she's free to submit a counter claim; if it
goes to court, that's when she can claim "fair use" -- not before. It
is, in fact, up to the courts to decide on a case-by-case basis
whether the defence has any merit -- not YouTube.

Also, you have to understand that "fair use" only applies in US law.
Neither you or I have any idea under which country's laws the
complaint was made -- and no, US law is not the only law which applies
to YouTube, which is why there are two separate ways of submitting a
copyright notification.

> Secondly, even if the owner is being (IMHO!) kinda anal and won't
> allow a fan to spend creative time interpreting their art and
> marketing and promoting their work, *and* they're in a position where
> a court might agree, I think calling this "not allowed on youtube" is
> way too harsh. A HUGE chunk of the vids here are fan tributes,
> interpretations, covers, lessons, etc etc, including my whole page and
> a fan trailer I just spent a week on, not to mention three full time
> month of my life [CRYYYY] covering... cov-- I can't even say it. [If
> Holywood records sues me for spending 200 hours fingerstyling a lame
> pop song they got somethin' else comin' from me] =P =).

It is not allowed on YouTube; that's a fact. A lot of people do get
away with it for a while, but it's still not allowed. This is stated
very clearly in several places, and it is also a matter of
international law.

> Anyway if that's all "not allowed" around here the staff is in
> hibernation! I find 1/3 of the *official* music videos are posted by
> fans. You can't say "not allowed", then allow 95% of the offenders,
> and criticize the other 5%.

The DMCA doesn't work like that. YouTube acts when the copyright owner
complains; it may be that other people have permission from the
copyright owner, in which case it would be allowed, and YouTube would
be wrong to take it down. But if the copyright owner complains,
YouTube always takes the video down.

> Metallica took justifiable action (imho) against the worst Napster
> violators suing them for examples, BUT, while I agree with their
> feelings, they ended up looking anal and disrespectful to their fans
> for being the 0.1% of bands to actually sue their fans for basically
> copying tapes for their friends losing the band trillions of dollars.

Well, that's Metallica's problem. If Metallica order YouTube to remove
a video for copyright infringement, YouTube must either take the video
down or be sued. It really is that simple.

> LASTLY, imho (once again) it is _really_ tactless and professionally
> rude (and nonstandard) not to approach the user first unless they are
> in total violation and obviously can't be asked nicely to stop.
> Companies have too much power. Someone's whole personal site will be
> bulldozed for posting a buncha pictures because if your site doesn't
> make millions, it's inconsequential.

Maybe it is tactless; but the Digital Millennium Copyright Act doesn't
leave YouTube much wiggle room here. In most cases, YouTube operates a
"three strikes" policy, but may suspend an account quicker than that
if the violations are especially serious. Together with the very clear
warnings posted on the upload page itself (and in other places), I
think that's very reasonable.

> You're now down to a 4.97 star poster and in my book Rew. I'm gonna
> petition for your removal.

Fine by me. However, this forum is -- as it states in the Charter --
not the place to discuss copyright violations and stuff. All I can do
is state what the law and YouTube's various terms and guidelines
state, which is what I did. Beyond that, there's nothing to say.

I will agree with you that current copyright law really does badly
need reworking, and lots of companies really do have to grow up and be
reasonable about this. But right now, the fact is that if you post a
video containing other people's copyrighted content without
permission, you are breaking the law, unless you can persuade a judge
that it was "fair use" (or "fair dealing" in some other jurisdictions,
which is far more restrictive than "fair use").

I had no such warnings on my account. No copy right warnings at all
till the actual date I was suspended. No email was sent to me. All I was doing was just changing my email add and did the confirm email and when I did this it said I was suspended.

If us fans are not allowed to post tributes, covers of songs with our
voice or an instrument. What else is there to upload? I mean we certainly are not going to post home vids. Well some of us aren't. Not all of us can sing so we can't put up our own material. And in a way I think its kind of lame. But I do understand the copyright laws. So I would in a way understand but in another i still think its
stupid if you ask me.

Besides Warner Bother (the company who Disturbed is signed with) didnt file a copy right infringement claim on my videos. If they did youtube would have sent me an email about it. And as I said I got no such email. So it couldnt have been any one from WB or any one who worked for/with the band. And doubt it was the band them selfs. Cause as I said they would have sent me an email. So this hole thing about it being my tributes is bull shit. Thats not what got me suspended. It was the fact that the fucking confirm email service is fucked up. THATS what got me suspended for no fucking reason. More will prob be coming on this subject. Just until I fucking find out what the fucking hell happened here.

Finally!!

I finally got my headphones that I have been bugging my mother for about a week or so now. But they are the kind that just slip over your ears. And well I don't like them I should have stuck with my original type headphones. Cause the ear buds I got are too high pitched. And they hurt my ears cause of it. And these that I am using now the right one is staying on like it is supposed to. But the left ear for some reason isn't wanting to stay on like is should. I don't know why but it makes me think that my whole left side is fucked up.

Cause I have issues with my left shoulder wanting to pop alot on its own. By just moving it a bit it wants to pop. My left hip used to do that all the time. It hasn't done it in like forever. It mostly dose it like once every blue moon. And my left knee has some issues. It seems to tense up a lot and it hurts. And when I am walking or move my knee in a certain way it pops. I am not trying to pop it, it just dose it on its own. Both my knees do it but my left dose it more then the other one. And my left leg cramps up a lot. And the pain is so intence I feel like I am going to cry. Keeping it still just seems to make it hurt worse but so dose moving it around too much.

And the left side of my nose gets stopped up alot too. lol Its like I can't breath out of that side. Its mostly just allergies. But there is nothing that I can do about it cause taking any thing dont help me. It dont even do shit. So I just gotta suffer I guess. I am thinking maybe around Christmas when I go to spend the xmas money I get every year. I think I might buy me some new head phones. And just stick with the original type that I always use. Cause ear buds and the ones that just slid on don't work very well for me. But the ones with the band seem to break easily. Cause the reason my headphones broke. Is cause they fell and I caught them with my legs before they feel. So I didn't have to bend over to pick them up. Cause I was being lazy. lol And they way they landed they some how broke. The band part broke. And I don't know how. Cause they way that they landed they shouldn't have broken. So I don't know how they did. Werid huh?

Any ways I am happy for now. Cause the ear buds were starting to irritated the living shit out of me. They are so fucking high pitched they hurt my poor wittle ears. lol And the left side on these are irritating my ear. Wtf! lol But I guess these will do for now. And I typed my old ones back together. So if I really need to I guess I can alternate between them. I mean the old ones will irritated me. Cause I wont be able to adjust the right side. And the left side will be loose cause of that reason. And the tape might pull my hair. But I guess this will have to do for now. Just from now on I will stick to the original. Thats why I hate to change. And I had an idea that when ever my head phones break just save the covers and the headband part of the headphones. Cause its looks as if I am gonna need to start saving the headband just incase this happens again.

~Peace out~