Just to make this clear for every one. I wanted to get this off my chest. I understand you guys are concerned. And I thank you for it but there is no need to worry about me. There are a lot of things that are good that go on in my life. I don't blog about them because this blog is more for my rants. I know I make it seem like I am depressed.
But just because there is nothing but rants and problems dont mean there is any thing wrong. Don't get me wrong I am glad there are people that are concerned about me. It lets me know I am loved and that I have friends. But as I've said this blog is only a type of therapy.
Blogging, ranting, cursing is therapy for me. It releases that anger and it helps. Listening to Disturbed helps. A lot of people thing it would have an opposite effect. That it would make you violent. But I think that you have to be a violent person by nature. And I am not, I am a sweet, nice, loving girl by nature. I would never hurt any one, or any animal.
The only damage I have ever done is when I would always used to slam my fist into things when I was mad. How do you think I hurt my finger? How do you think I bent my arm backwards? It was me having one of my fits. That is when I came up with the idea to rant about it all in a blog. It helps release the anger in the same way hitting things would release the anger. Only with out any damage to my self or any poor walls or CD players.
I feel better after ranting. And when I rant as I blog, as I sit here I am listening to Disturbed. And this all calms me. And its already starting to work. Metal, Rock, Nu metal, hardcore, ect... It don't effect you in the way that most people would think. With me things that should piss me off. Well don't, any thing that should offend me kind of don't. Music that should make me act a certain way doesn't.
The music only effects you if you let it. And yes when you listen to Disturbed. Lyrically they sound "Dark and Domestic" As some people have told me. But their genre is Nu Metal. And a lot of music of this or any type of Rock sounds this way. Metal music isn't going to sound like those oldies and country your parents and grandparents grew up with.
Its a lot harder and sounds darker. But when you read the lyric meanings. You will realize their not talking bout what you may thing their talking about. They don't sound as "Dark and Domestic" when you know what the songs are really about. And I also think that if you know what their really talking about it wont effect you in the way most people would think. Trust me I have been a fan of Disturbed for 4 years now. And it hasn't changed me in any negative way. The only reason I am having the problems I am having is not due to the music I listen to. But due to the idiots that are around me. Its those idiots that I gotta deal with on a daily bases.
Most of those idiots where that big group of friends I used to hang out with. In which I don't any more so most of my problems are gone. The rest are problems with my mother. And in some cases I know shes only doing whats right for me. But theres a lot of other shit that she dose that wouldn't really fall under the "Whats right for me" Category. Which brings me to the promises part of this blog.
Never make a promise you can not keep. My mother promised me that she would take me to the store to by some headphones. But she turns around and makes that a complete lie and breaks her promise. She has no real reason as to why she wont take me. She just wont take me, and its irritating me. And she couldn't figure out why I was mad. We went shopping for my sisters wedding dress. And my mom thought I was mad cause I didn't get a dress. And she goes "you're not getting married"
NO SHIT MOTHER! I know that, I am not fucking mad that I didn't get a fucking dress. 1st off I hate dresses. I don't give a fucking rats ass if I get one or not. I wouldn't ever ware it unless I had to. 2nd off why would I be mad about not getting a dress? That just confused me a bit. Why would she think that was why I was mad? We were shopping for my sister. We were not shopping for me and I know that. So I don't care if I get one or not. I still don't understand why she thought that would make me mad?
And Now I don't know if she or my dad will take me to the store to get my headphones. I would like to try and get them soon. As the ones I had broke. They still work but the headband part of it broke. And now I cant put it on my head. I have taped it back together temporary. But it won't adjust as the tape is over the adjustable part. And eventually the tape will start to come up and pull my hair. And the pink ear buds I am using right now are too high pitched. And are starting to fall apart.
So I really need my headphones. Cause I can't listen to my music (My Disturbed) with my speakers: 1 cause my mother hates Disturbed and 2 I wont be able to turn it up that loud cause she'll yell at me. And I have to turn it up enough so I can hear it. Its gotta be loud it makes it easier to get my frustrations out.
Anyways gotta go Lunch is ready.
~Peace out
Sep 27, 2008
New look and with music
Current mood: 
Happy
I changed my layout a bit so that it has pink and wont look so emo and depressing. I added some of my favorite music in two different players. You got my Disturbed playlist. Sadly not all of their songs could be added. As that darn site didn't have them. And you get another where I have all my other favorite songs in different genres. Hope you enjoy.
~Peace
HappyI changed my layout a bit so that it has pink and wont look so emo and depressing. I added some of my favorite music in two different players. You got my Disturbed playlist. Sadly not all of their songs could be added. As that darn site didn't have them. And you get another where I have all my other favorite songs in different genres. Hope you enjoy.
~Peace
Sep 26, 2008
Comments
Just so yall guys know, You can comment on the blog entries if you want. You don't have to register or any thing. Jut thought I'd let you guys know. Well Im gonna go back to play OutRun. Cya
~Peace out
~Peace out
Change
Current mood: Happy
One of my friends sent me a message. And told me she read my blog and was concerned. I never meant to give any one the impression I was depressed. Not every thing in my life is this bad. I guess I should post more about the positive stuff. But I just figured that would be boring. But I guess boring is better then having people think some things wrong. So I am still keeping my David Draiman background. But I've changed my banner. With more of a happy one........I hope its a happy one. It has only one of my poems now. And one of my favorite Disturbed songs. Just stop. In case you cant read it you can google the lyrics. I'll post the song meaning for ya.
JUST STOP
About a situation where your other half is always trying to come up with reasons to argue with you and you are constantly apologizing, and constantly asking for forgiveness, over and over again, and the frustration that comes with it. The song is asking "that person" to just stop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I promise I will post more positive stuff on here.
~Peace out
HappyOne of my friends sent me a message. And told me she read my blog and was concerned. I never meant to give any one the impression I was depressed. Not every thing in my life is this bad. I guess I should post more about the positive stuff. But I just figured that would be boring. But I guess boring is better then having people think some things wrong. So I am still keeping my David Draiman background. But I've changed my banner. With more of a happy one........I hope its a happy one. It has only one of my poems now. And one of my favorite Disturbed songs. Just stop. In case you cant read it you can google the lyrics. I'll post the song meaning for ya.
JUST STOP
About a situation where your other half is always trying to come up with reasons to argue with you and you are constantly apologizing, and constantly asking for forgiveness, over and over again, and the frustration that comes with it. The song is asking "that person" to just stop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I promise I will post more positive stuff on here.
~Peace out
About my blog
I am referring to the poems in the header and the layout. And basically just this blog in general. Just so you know I am telling you this cause a friend told me my poems were emo. They are not really meant to. Emo's are the ones they cut them selfs right? And talk about death and are depressed all the time. And my poems don't talk about any of that.
I am who I am
your approval isn't needed
This poem is about what the title says. I am who I am, I've always been the type to stand out from the crowd. Never do any thing just cause every one else is doing it. Dress in a certain way cause every one else is doing it. Or talk in a certain manor cause every one else is. Let me ask you this its the same old shit your mothers would ask you. If every one jumped off a bride and killed them selfs. Would you? My answer is no. Wait let me re-phrase that. My answer would be HELL FUCKING NO!
Respect
Again, this poem is about what the title says. If you respect me I will respect you. But if you disrespect me then you will get nothing but disrespect back. Now I am normally a nice person. But you fucking look where all that nicey nice shit got me. I became a fucking push over. Which is why most of my friends did what they did. They disrespected me, so I did the same back. I cursed them out I went off on them. But its not important to get into all that right now. I will on a later date.
Rantings of a Disturbed 0ne
This is the name of the site. The poem is basically aimed towards my family and some but not all of my friends. Hell even the ones that think they know me probably don't know me that well. There is only one person that actually kind of knows me. He knows what I'm gonna say before I even say it. So this poem kind of really isn't aimed towards him. Its just basically saying to my family and friends you don't know me. They think they do but they don't.
My family thinks they know me. But they have never really taken the time to sit down and talk to me about what I like and what I want. They only things my parents know about me. Well my mother more then my dad. She knows I love Orlando Bloom. Heck my whole family pretty much knows that. My mom knows I love Disturbed and she hates it. And my parents and sister know I like pink. And I am sure they know I like Tomb Raider. And my mom and sister definitely knows I love Nora Roberts. But thats about it. But thats nothing that big.
They know nothing else about me really. Hell my mother can't even fucking remember what I want to do when I grow up. So, the poem is based in that. They don't know me, they wont ever know any thing and every thing about me. Cause they never want to take the time to get to know me. "You wont understand The daily shit I got" Ok that last little bit is fucking lame as hell. But it works. This means that most of my family and friends won't understand the shit I go though. I can't talk to my mother cause most of my issues are with her. And she won't understand. All of my friends EXCEPT one seems to make me feel guilty that I think what I think and say what I say.
I can't talk to my family about the shit I have gone though with every one of my internet friends over the last year. Cause they wont understand. Plus they don't know that I talk to people on the internet. So ya.
The layout is black, cause I like black. The image in the banner and the background. Is of David Draiman, lead singer for Disturbed. My favorite band, and yes I have a crush on him. He's cute and I will fucking hit any one that says hes creepy. I bout slapped my mother a few times when she said it. The text on that is from I am sure the song Darkness. Which is one of theirs. And the name: Rantings of a Disturbed 0ne. Referrers to, this blog is where i can rant hence Rantings. Again my favorite band is Disturbed hence Disturbed 0ne.
So when you think about it. Nothing about my blog sounds emo. Its where I can rant about my crappy ass life. So it all fits together some how. My life is crap atm, mostly cause of my mother and SOME of my friends. I only got a few friends left that still talk to me. That still want to talk to me and don't think I am annoying. The poems: read above. They are talking from the heart. Go back up and read them again. The image is of David Draiman. Nothing emo there.
I am who I am
your approval isn't needed
This poem is about what the title says. I am who I am, I've always been the type to stand out from the crowd. Never do any thing just cause every one else is doing it. Dress in a certain way cause every one else is doing it. Or talk in a certain manor cause every one else is. Let me ask you this its the same old shit your mothers would ask you. If every one jumped off a bride and killed them selfs. Would you? My answer is no. Wait let me re-phrase that. My answer would be HELL FUCKING NO!
Respect
Again, this poem is about what the title says. If you respect me I will respect you. But if you disrespect me then you will get nothing but disrespect back. Now I am normally a nice person. But you fucking look where all that nicey nice shit got me. I became a fucking push over. Which is why most of my friends did what they did. They disrespected me, so I did the same back. I cursed them out I went off on them. But its not important to get into all that right now. I will on a later date.
Rantings of a Disturbed 0ne
This is the name of the site. The poem is basically aimed towards my family and some but not all of my friends. Hell even the ones that think they know me probably don't know me that well. There is only one person that actually kind of knows me. He knows what I'm gonna say before I even say it. So this poem kind of really isn't aimed towards him. Its just basically saying to my family and friends you don't know me. They think they do but they don't.
My family thinks they know me. But they have never really taken the time to sit down and talk to me about what I like and what I want. They only things my parents know about me. Well my mother more then my dad. She knows I love Orlando Bloom. Heck my whole family pretty much knows that. My mom knows I love Disturbed and she hates it. And my parents and sister know I like pink. And I am sure they know I like Tomb Raider. And my mom and sister definitely knows I love Nora Roberts. But thats about it. But thats nothing that big.
They know nothing else about me really. Hell my mother can't even fucking remember what I want to do when I grow up. So, the poem is based in that. They don't know me, they wont ever know any thing and every thing about me. Cause they never want to take the time to get to know me. "You wont understand The daily shit I got" Ok that last little bit is fucking lame as hell. But it works. This means that most of my family and friends won't understand the shit I go though. I can't talk to my mother cause most of my issues are with her. And she won't understand. All of my friends EXCEPT one seems to make me feel guilty that I think what I think and say what I say.
I can't talk to my family about the shit I have gone though with every one of my internet friends over the last year. Cause they wont understand. Plus they don't know that I talk to people on the internet. So ya.
The layout is black, cause I like black. The image in the banner and the background. Is of David Draiman, lead singer for Disturbed. My favorite band, and yes I have a crush on him. He's cute and I will fucking hit any one that says hes creepy. I bout slapped my mother a few times when she said it. The text on that is from I am sure the song Darkness. Which is one of theirs. And the name: Rantings of a Disturbed 0ne. Referrers to, this blog is where i can rant hence Rantings. Again my favorite band is Disturbed hence Disturbed 0ne.
So when you think about it. Nothing about my blog sounds emo. Its where I can rant about my crappy ass life. So it all fits together some how. My life is crap atm, mostly cause of my mother and SOME of my friends. I only got a few friends left that still talk to me. That still want to talk to me and don't think I am annoying. The poems: read above. They are talking from the heart. Go back up and read them again. The image is of David Draiman. Nothing emo there.
Youtube account suspended??
OK I sent them a message, haven't heard back. And its been 24 hours. Now come on it can't fucking take that fucking long. I posted in their forums and sent them a fucking email. How fucking long do I have to sit here and wait for a fucking response. I was trying to change my email address. And when I did the confirm email it popped up with a message saying my account was deleted. And when ever I go to my profile it says "This account is suspended." What happened. I didn't do any thing wrong. I had no copyright as far as I know. I never broke any of the rules. Well at least none that I knew of. I was just confirming my email. This happened to my friend when she first joined. She singed up for an account and when she went to confirm her email. It said she was suspended. And all both of us were doing was confirming out email. None of you would happen to know whats going on and how to get my account back? And if I do NEVER will I EVER do that EVER again ARGH So now none of my videos work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was a fucking fan video, why the fuck would MINE get deleted but all these other fucking tribute videos get to fucking stay up!!!!!!!!! THIS didnt happen till AFTER I DID THE CONFIRM EMAIL!!!! If I hadn't fucking done that my account would have been suspended and 1st of all they dont just fucking delete your account. THey fucking deleted the fucking video first. And if you have to many videos deleted they THEN delete your account. That happened with my old account.
And before you start talkin shit, read the 6 points I made below
1st off, Just want to make this clear, I wasn't stealing copy right. I put MY logo, because Goddess Creations is some thing I do in my free time. Its a FAKE PRETEND production company I made up in where I make Tribute videos for celebs, games, movies, ect... And make graphic designs, and remixes. I wasn't trying to steal copyright. The fans, members of youtube understand that these clips belong to the band, actor, singer, celeb w/e or they belong to the company that created them. Or that works for the person. I know that, every one else knows that.
2nd of all, READ MY WHOLE FUCKING BLOG. If it was the video they would give me a warning first. Youtube always and i mean ALWAYS gives you warnings first. But deleting your videos. And if you have to many AND THEN your fucking account gets deleted.
3rd of all READ THE WHOLE FUCKING BLOG. Damn, I said this ONLY FUCKING HAPPENED AFTER I CONFIRMED MY EMAIL. If I hadn't fucking confirmed it then the account would still be there.
4th off, I used to do this with my old account. I used to ALWAYS make tributes. But when I uploaded ACTUAL copyright, such as interviews, making ofs, ect... They were for my sites. They got deleted. And because too many of those were deleted. Yes, my account was then deleted.
5th off, my friends and every other god damn person on fucking youtube. Makes these kind of fucking tributes. And these have been up longer. Have had more views, more ratings, more comments then my tributes. Let me repeat Those other fucking videos have BEEN UP FOR LIKE A YEAR OR LONGER. But yet, (if that is the fucking reason my account went down), why the fucking hell are MY FUCKING VIDS gone but yet these other members of youtube get to keep their god damn vids? HUH Answer me that?
6th of all, Let me repeat it for the billion hundredth time. MY account only went down After I confirmed my email.
Now do me a favor and read those again, Specially the 1st and 5th ones. VERY CAREFULLY!
I did nothing wrong. This account wasn't deleted because of the fucking content on the account. It was deleted/suspended because of a glitch in there automated email confirmation system. This happened to a friend of mine when she joined. And she didnt even fucking have any thing set up yet. She was registering and confirmed her email. Hell when I tried to sign up for my new account after my old one got deleted. It happened to me to. Now what the fuck. Are we the only ones that this has happened to? That is a load of bull shit!
It was a fucking fan video, why the fuck would MINE get deleted but all these other fucking tribute videos get to fucking stay up!!!!!!!!! THIS didnt happen till AFTER I DID THE CONFIRM EMAIL!!!! If I hadn't fucking done that my account would have been suspended and 1st of all they dont just fucking delete your account. THey fucking deleted the fucking video first. And if you have to many videos deleted they THEN delete your account. That happened with my old account.
And before you start talkin shit, read the 6 points I made below
1st off, Just want to make this clear, I wasn't stealing copy right. I put MY logo, because Goddess Creations is some thing I do in my free time. Its a FAKE PRETEND production company I made up in where I make Tribute videos for celebs, games, movies, ect... And make graphic designs, and remixes. I wasn't trying to steal copyright. The fans, members of youtube understand that these clips belong to the band, actor, singer, celeb w/e or they belong to the company that created them. Or that works for the person. I know that, every one else knows that.
2nd of all, READ MY WHOLE FUCKING BLOG. If it was the video they would give me a warning first. Youtube always and i mean ALWAYS gives you warnings first. But deleting your videos. And if you have to many AND THEN your fucking account gets deleted.
3rd of all READ THE WHOLE FUCKING BLOG. Damn, I said this ONLY FUCKING HAPPENED AFTER I CONFIRMED MY EMAIL. If I hadn't fucking confirmed it then the account would still be there.
4th off, I used to do this with my old account. I used to ALWAYS make tributes. But when I uploaded ACTUAL copyright, such as interviews, making ofs, ect... They were for my sites. They got deleted. And because too many of those were deleted. Yes, my account was then deleted.
5th off, my friends and every other god damn person on fucking youtube. Makes these kind of fucking tributes. And these have been up longer. Have had more views, more ratings, more comments then my tributes. Let me repeat Those other fucking videos have BEEN UP FOR LIKE A YEAR OR LONGER. But yet, (if that is the fucking reason my account went down), why the fucking hell are MY FUCKING VIDS gone but yet these other members of youtube get to keep their god damn vids? HUH Answer me that?
6th of all, Let me repeat it for the billion hundredth time. MY account only went down After I confirmed my email.
Now do me a favor and read those again, Specially the 1st and 5th ones. VERY CAREFULLY!
I did nothing wrong. This account wasn't deleted because of the fucking content on the account. It was deleted/suspended because of a glitch in there automated email confirmation system. This happened to a friend of mine when she joined. And she didnt even fucking have any thing set up yet. She was registering and confirmed her email. Hell when I tried to sign up for my new account after my old one got deleted. It happened to me to. Now what the fuck. Are we the only ones that this has happened to? That is a load of bull shit!
Sep 15, 2008
In pain
Current mood: 
Crappy
I don't quite know how it happened. But quite a few times when I got go pop my back. Cause popping it makes it feel better. I tend to pull a muscle in my mid-right part of my back. And its never really been that bad. But this time it hurt so bad I couldnt move. Taking a deep breath made me hurt really bad. I had to lay down, its kind of calmed down a bit. But it still tends to hurt when I breath in kind of deep. And the pain med don't seem to be helping any. Damn! :(
CrappyI don't quite know how it happened. But quite a few times when I got go pop my back. Cause popping it makes it feel better. I tend to pull a muscle in my mid-right part of my back. And its never really been that bad. But this time it hurt so bad I couldnt move. Taking a deep breath made me hurt really bad. I had to lay down, its kind of calmed down a bit. But it still tends to hurt when I breath in kind of deep. And the pain med don't seem to be helping any. Damn! :(
Sep 14, 2008
Happy Bday Sammie
My doggies bday is today. I am pretty sure he is about 7 now. He might be 6 I don't know I've lost count on how old my dogs are lol. We got him when he was only 6 weeks old. I don't remember what year we got him. But I am pretty sure we got him when I was 9 0r 10. And I am 17 now so you do the math. I am being lazy today lol. Hey its Sunday I am allowed to be lazy on Sunday. But ain't he just the cutest doggy ever? I've got two other doggies but their bdays dont come till next year. I didnt get the chance to post a happy bday entry for them. Sammie is half lab half German Shepperd. And he is a very calm sweet dog. The others are sweet too just not quite as calm as Sammie. My sister gave him the name Samuel L. Jackson. lol Cause we either call him Sam, Sammie, or Samuel. So my sister decided to give him that name. Don't ask me why she just did.
Haunted by Ghost
Current mood: 
Drained
I swear I think that our house is haunted. I have always felt this way since I was a little girl. Cause I've remembered seeing the guy that died in out house and I've heard and felt him. And I could never turn my back to the hall with out feeling as if some one was watching. Twice I've woke up when I was a kid and seeing a figure either standing at my door or right beside me. And both of which disappeared with in a minute of me spotting them. And I've heard loud banging before as a kid. And I thought I saw some one looking into my room. When I got up to check my mother and dad were still asleep. My sister of course, I am sure was at a friends house. I am not sure I am now thinking maybe it was her I saw? I've felt cold spots and as they've been explained. Its when a ghost is trying to manifest its self. And once I was walking though the house and I swear I felt as if some thing touched me. I've never actually seen him move any thing but things have moved in this house. Like the time that candle ended up in the bath room.
My mom and sister said they never touched it. Why would my dad need a candle in the bathroom. I never touched it why would I need it? I've seen shadowy figures, I've seen white figures. I've heard noises I've felt like some one touching me or watching me. There for quite a few years he hasn't been doing any thing. Like maybe he's moved on. And I don't know if this is because I have been watching ghost hunters. But I feel as if he is back. Or maybe this is a new one? I don't know but the last couple of nights I've felt as if he was in my room. Which is actually where he died. He was apparently a previous owner. Now I don't know how he died. And I am not sure I want to know. But I feel like hes back, maybe he never really left. Though I haven't seen him, I feel like hes here. I've never actually really heard any noises from him. But I've just got that feeling some one is watching even when I am alone. And this may just be because of the most resent episode of Ghost hunters. The Iron Island one, now those voices were some creepy shit. The last two nights I've had to sleep with my tv on just so I've got some light. I'll keep you guys updated if any thing new happens I'll tell ya.
~Peace out~
The Disturbed 0ne
DrainedI swear I think that our house is haunted. I have always felt this way since I was a little girl. Cause I've remembered seeing the guy that died in out house and I've heard and felt him. And I could never turn my back to the hall with out feeling as if some one was watching. Twice I've woke up when I was a kid and seeing a figure either standing at my door or right beside me. And both of which disappeared with in a minute of me spotting them. And I've heard loud banging before as a kid. And I thought I saw some one looking into my room. When I got up to check my mother and dad were still asleep. My sister of course, I am sure was at a friends house. I am not sure I am now thinking maybe it was her I saw? I've felt cold spots and as they've been explained. Its when a ghost is trying to manifest its self. And once I was walking though the house and I swear I felt as if some thing touched me. I've never actually seen him move any thing but things have moved in this house. Like the time that candle ended up in the bath room.
My mom and sister said they never touched it. Why would my dad need a candle in the bathroom. I never touched it why would I need it? I've seen shadowy figures, I've seen white figures. I've heard noises I've felt like some one touching me or watching me. There for quite a few years he hasn't been doing any thing. Like maybe he's moved on. And I don't know if this is because I have been watching ghost hunters. But I feel as if he is back. Or maybe this is a new one? I don't know but the last couple of nights I've felt as if he was in my room. Which is actually where he died. He was apparently a previous owner. Now I don't know how he died. And I am not sure I want to know. But I feel like hes back, maybe he never really left. Though I haven't seen him, I feel like hes here. I've never actually really heard any noises from him. But I've just got that feeling some one is watching even when I am alone. And this may just be because of the most resent episode of Ghost hunters. The Iron Island one, now those voices were some creepy shit. The last two nights I've had to sleep with my tv on just so I've got some light. I'll keep you guys updated if any thing new happens I'll tell ya.
~Peace out~
The Disturbed 0ne
Sep 11, 2008
More mother issues
Current mood: Drained, Headaches
Ok now I think that my mother is a tad bit of a hypocrite. She always tells me not to do something. Like tells me whats the right thing to do and what the wrong thing to do is. But yet she always turns around and dose the exact fucking thing. She is always yelling at me when I get mad at her for picking on me when I am not feeling good. But yet earlier I was joking around with her. I wasnt having an attitude and I wasnt yelling I was talking loud so that should could hear me. Cause even though she tries to deny it. She is fucking deaf. I was fucking joking with her and she thought that I was yelling and having an attitude with her. Its like ok you just fucking yell at me for having an attitude and getting mad when she joke around. But yet she dose the exact fucking thing when I joke around with her. Its like can you say hypocrite?
And another thing I wanted to fix me some thing to eat for lunch. But yet she said in kind of a rude way. Do you have to do that now? And I calmly said no even though I wanted to throw a fucking fit. And I calmly walked out of the room back into mine. But yet she then fixes my sister some thing to eat for lunch and I was like. Now that is not fair. I didnt say it to her but I wanted to. I was like you fix her some thing to eat but yet you wont let me get some thing to eat? Thats just bull shit....Oh wait I already talked about this didnt I? lol eh thats ok.
I wouldnt be surprised if I said I was bout to die of hunger wouldnt be surprised if she said I dont care. Shes done smiler things in the past. Like one time I dont even remember what it was that she said. But I told her she hurt my feelings. And this was when i was like 4 or 5. And she gose I dont care. Thats made me hurt worse that my mother didnt care about my feelings. And then another time she yelled at me. And I started to cry. And I was crying so hard I couldnt breath and my sister was trying to calm me down. And my sister told my mother that I couldnt breath. And my mothers exact words were I dont care.
I was just like shocked out of my fucking mind. I couldnt believe my mother said this to me. She probably dont even remember doing it. But I kind of resent her for it. I do love my mother but its just like she irritates the fucking hell out of me. And I just want to slap her up side her fucking head. I dont know what her fucking problem has been in the past 2 days but she is making me mad. She needs to get over what ever the fuck is wrong with her. Cause I dont think that I can take this any longer. Hopefully if I just avoid her as much as I possibly can. She will just leave me alone. Of course I have to go to the fucking store with her in the morning. I was wanting to watch my Ghost Hunters I taped. Shes shes not going to work any more. I dont get to watch my shows while she is at work any more. And I know that my mother dont like those kinds of scary shows. And i know that she isnt going to let me watch it while she is there. But she could always go into the other room and wait for it to be over. Cause I would really like to see it before SHE deletes it off of the Tivo.
Thats another thing that my mother dose that pisses the fucking hell out of me. When I want to tape some thing on the tivo she gose and either stops it from taping or she then deletes it later on after its been taped. OR she dont advance it so that I can watch it later. And when ever i have any thing Orlando Bloom related set to tape she will let me tape it. But when it comes to taping any thing that has to do with my favorite band Disturbed she stops it from taping. She wont let me tape it and I dont know why. She better get used to it now. I like them and there is nothing that she can do about it. I really wanted to see this headbangers ball or whatever it was that came on. But she stopped it from taping.
She has a problem with me liking Disturbed. And having a crush on the lead singer David Draiman. She things he is creepy. And she dont like the fact that they swear in the songs. Well mother i am fucking 17 years old. I think i am old enough to listen to songs that have swears in them. And her exact words where: Their to dark and domestic. But then when i let her read the song meanings she came to me and goes: Well their not as bad as I thought. No shit mother, really now isnt that what i have been telling you this whole fucking time? And she is going on about how this kind of music will effect me whether i know it or not. How it will make me depressed and violent. And I think in order for these kinds of songs to make you this way you have to be a violent person by nature. And I am a sweet down to earth calm girl by nature. The only time i get violent is when I am mad. But i never have and never will take my anger out on any one. I take my anger out on objects. Thats how i have bruised my hands up.
And I think that once you know the meanings behind the songs. And you know what they are really saying and no by what the lyrics say. Then it dont effect you in any kind of violent way. And I dont believe this fucking bull shit. People blaming music, video games and movies for their violent behavior. I believe you are already a violent person. Your just getting idea from video games and movies. I play tom clancy's rainbow six, black hawk down, call of duty and tomb raider. Which are games where you are killing humans and all sorts of animals. And I always listen to rock, metal, nu metal such as Disturbed. And none of which have made me any violent. I also watch a shit load of violent movies. And they dont make me wanna go out and kill people and be all violent. But what ever, my mother dont really know what shes talking about. lol
Well any ways my fucking fingers are hurting from typing so much. So I am gonna stop the post here. And I will blog some more later. Hopefully my next blog wont be about my mother. I hope to blog about a couple other things. Wanna get on the whole ex subject. Hopefully I can do that next time. Cause I would just really like to rant about it and get it off my chest. Hope you enjoyed my blog.
~Peace out
The Disturbed 0ne
Drained, HeadachesOk now I think that my mother is a tad bit of a hypocrite. She always tells me not to do something. Like tells me whats the right thing to do and what the wrong thing to do is. But yet she always turns around and dose the exact fucking thing. She is always yelling at me when I get mad at her for picking on me when I am not feeling good. But yet earlier I was joking around with her. I wasnt having an attitude and I wasnt yelling I was talking loud so that should could hear me. Cause even though she tries to deny it. She is fucking deaf. I was fucking joking with her and she thought that I was yelling and having an attitude with her. Its like ok you just fucking yell at me for having an attitude and getting mad when she joke around. But yet she dose the exact fucking thing when I joke around with her. Its like can you say hypocrite?
And another thing I wanted to fix me some thing to eat for lunch. But yet she said in kind of a rude way. Do you have to do that now? And I calmly said no even though I wanted to throw a fucking fit. And I calmly walked out of the room back into mine. But yet she then fixes my sister some thing to eat for lunch and I was like. Now that is not fair. I didnt say it to her but I wanted to. I was like you fix her some thing to eat but yet you wont let me get some thing to eat? Thats just bull shit....Oh wait I already talked about this didnt I? lol eh thats ok.
I wouldnt be surprised if I said I was bout to die of hunger wouldnt be surprised if she said I dont care. Shes done smiler things in the past. Like one time I dont even remember what it was that she said. But I told her she hurt my feelings. And this was when i was like 4 or 5. And she gose I dont care. Thats made me hurt worse that my mother didnt care about my feelings. And then another time she yelled at me. And I started to cry. And I was crying so hard I couldnt breath and my sister was trying to calm me down. And my sister told my mother that I couldnt breath. And my mothers exact words were I dont care.
I was just like shocked out of my fucking mind. I couldnt believe my mother said this to me. She probably dont even remember doing it. But I kind of resent her for it. I do love my mother but its just like she irritates the fucking hell out of me. And I just want to slap her up side her fucking head. I dont know what her fucking problem has been in the past 2 days but she is making me mad. She needs to get over what ever the fuck is wrong with her. Cause I dont think that I can take this any longer. Hopefully if I just avoid her as much as I possibly can. She will just leave me alone. Of course I have to go to the fucking store with her in the morning. I was wanting to watch my Ghost Hunters I taped. Shes shes not going to work any more. I dont get to watch my shows while she is at work any more. And I know that my mother dont like those kinds of scary shows. And i know that she isnt going to let me watch it while she is there. But she could always go into the other room and wait for it to be over. Cause I would really like to see it before SHE deletes it off of the Tivo.
Thats another thing that my mother dose that pisses the fucking hell out of me. When I want to tape some thing on the tivo she gose and either stops it from taping or she then deletes it later on after its been taped. OR she dont advance it so that I can watch it later. And when ever i have any thing Orlando Bloom related set to tape she will let me tape it. But when it comes to taping any thing that has to do with my favorite band Disturbed she stops it from taping. She wont let me tape it and I dont know why. She better get used to it now. I like them and there is nothing that she can do about it. I really wanted to see this headbangers ball or whatever it was that came on. But she stopped it from taping.
She has a problem with me liking Disturbed. And having a crush on the lead singer David Draiman. She things he is creepy. And she dont like the fact that they swear in the songs. Well mother i am fucking 17 years old. I think i am old enough to listen to songs that have swears in them. And her exact words where: Their to dark and domestic. But then when i let her read the song meanings she came to me and goes: Well their not as bad as I thought. No shit mother, really now isnt that what i have been telling you this whole fucking time? And she is going on about how this kind of music will effect me whether i know it or not. How it will make me depressed and violent. And I think in order for these kinds of songs to make you this way you have to be a violent person by nature. And I am a sweet down to earth calm girl by nature. The only time i get violent is when I am mad. But i never have and never will take my anger out on any one. I take my anger out on objects. Thats how i have bruised my hands up.
And I think that once you know the meanings behind the songs. And you know what they are really saying and no by what the lyrics say. Then it dont effect you in any kind of violent way. And I dont believe this fucking bull shit. People blaming music, video games and movies for their violent behavior. I believe you are already a violent person. Your just getting idea from video games and movies. I play tom clancy's rainbow six, black hawk down, call of duty and tomb raider. Which are games where you are killing humans and all sorts of animals. And I always listen to rock, metal, nu metal such as Disturbed. And none of which have made me any violent. I also watch a shit load of violent movies. And they dont make me wanna go out and kill people and be all violent. But what ever, my mother dont really know what shes talking about. lol
Well any ways my fucking fingers are hurting from typing so much. So I am gonna stop the post here. And I will blog some more later. Hopefully my next blog wont be about my mother. I hope to blog about a couple other things. Wanna get on the whole ex subject. Hopefully I can do that next time. Cause I would just really like to rant about it and get it off my chest. Hope you enjoyed my blog.
~Peace out
The Disturbed 0ne
GOD!! WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS HER PROBLEM!?
Current mood: 
Aggravated (bout to blow)
AND ANOTHER THING, I WANTED TO FIX ME SOME LUNCH. AND FOR NOT FUCKING REASON SHE SAID SO FUCKING RUDELY "DO YOU HAVE TO DO THAT NOW?" I SO FUCKING WANTED TO SLAP THE EVER LOVING FUCKING SHIT OUT OF HER RIGHT THEN AND THERE. IT WAS JUST LIKE
ARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH YEAH GUESS I WONT FUCKING BE EATTING LUNCH THEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I DONT GIVE A FUCKING RATS ASS WHAT HER FUCKING PROBLEM IS THE LAST TWO DAYS BUT SHE NEED TO GET THE FUCK OVER IT AND STOP FUCKING YELLING AT ME AS IF SHE IS THE FUCKING VICTIM I AM NOT EVEN DOING A FUCKING THING TO HER BUT YET SHE WANTS TO ACT LIKE I AM. AND SHE TREATS ME LIKE A FUCKING TWO YEAR OLD LIKE I DONT KNOW A FUCKING THING THAT I AM SAYING OR DOING. ITS LIKE I AM FUCKING 17 YEARS OLD HOW BOUT YOU START FUCKING TREATING ME LIKE A FUCKING 17 YEAR OLD INSTEAD OF A FUCKING 2 YEAR OLD. AND SHE FUCKING KNOWS SHE IS DOING IT CAUSE ONE TIME SHE SAID THAT SHE WILL STOP TREATING ME LIKE A CHILD WHEN I STOP ACTING LIKE ONE!
WHEN HAVE I EVER! ACTED LIKE A FUCKING CHILD? EXCEPT FOR WHEN I WAS AN ACTUAL CHILD!!!!!!!
GOD SHE JUST MAKES ME SO FUCKING ANGRY!!!!! AND THERE ISNT A DAMN THING I CAN DO ABOUT IT. NOT TILL I MOVE OUT AND I SWEAR TO GOD WHEN I GET THE FUCKING CHANCE I WILL MOVE OUT. ILL MOVE FAR AWAY FROM HERE.
ARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aggravated (bout to blow)AND ANOTHER THING, I WANTED TO FIX ME SOME LUNCH. AND FOR NOT FUCKING REASON SHE SAID SO FUCKING RUDELY "DO YOU HAVE TO DO THAT NOW?" I SO FUCKING WANTED TO SLAP THE EVER LOVING FUCKING SHIT OUT OF HER RIGHT THEN AND THERE. IT WAS JUST LIKE
ARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH YEAH GUESS I WONT FUCKING BE EATTING LUNCH THEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I DONT GIVE A FUCKING RATS ASS WHAT HER FUCKING PROBLEM IS THE LAST TWO DAYS BUT SHE NEED TO GET THE FUCK OVER IT AND STOP FUCKING YELLING AT ME AS IF SHE IS THE FUCKING VICTIM I AM NOT EVEN DOING A FUCKING THING TO HER BUT YET SHE WANTS TO ACT LIKE I AM. AND SHE TREATS ME LIKE A FUCKING TWO YEAR OLD LIKE I DONT KNOW A FUCKING THING THAT I AM SAYING OR DOING. ITS LIKE I AM FUCKING 17 YEARS OLD HOW BOUT YOU START FUCKING TREATING ME LIKE A FUCKING 17 YEAR OLD INSTEAD OF A FUCKING 2 YEAR OLD. AND SHE FUCKING KNOWS SHE IS DOING IT CAUSE ONE TIME SHE SAID THAT SHE WILL STOP TREATING ME LIKE A CHILD WHEN I STOP ACTING LIKE ONE!
WHEN HAVE I EVER! ACTED LIKE A FUCKING CHILD? EXCEPT FOR WHEN I WAS AN ACTUAL CHILD!!!!!!!
GOD SHE JUST MAKES ME SO FUCKING ANGRY!!!!! AND THERE ISNT A DAMN THING I CAN DO ABOUT IT. NOT TILL I MOVE OUT AND I SWEAR TO GOD WHEN I GET THE FUCKING CHANCE I WILL MOVE OUT. ILL MOVE FAR AWAY FROM HERE.
ARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Current mood: Aggravated (bout to blow)
My mother is about to aggravate the living fucking shit out of me. I was feeding my nephew who is about 4 months. And she was FUCKING YELLING AT ME CAUSE I WASN'T HOLDING THE BOTTLE HIGH ENOUGH! WE ITS NOT LIKE HE WAS EVEN FUCKING EATTING IT ANY WAYS! HE WAS JUST FUCKING PLAYING WITH IT! AND SHE GRABS IT AND SHOVES IT UP TO HIS FUCKING NOISE! I WAS LIKE.....
Aggravated (bout to blow)My mother is about to aggravate the living fucking shit out of me. I was feeding my nephew who is about 4 months. And she was FUCKING YELLING AT ME CAUSE I WASN'T HOLDING THE BOTTLE HIGH ENOUGH! WE ITS NOT LIKE HE WAS EVEN FUCKING EATTING IT ANY WAYS! HE WAS JUST FUCKING PLAYING WITH IT! AND SHE GRABS IT AND SHOVES IT UP TO HIS FUCKING NOISE! I WAS LIKE.....
Sep 10, 2008
Why me?
Current mood: Aggravated
I don't know what it is about me. I don't know why but its just like every time I ask for help no one wants to help me. Its just not fair, when ever I post in support forums. I get no responses.....Ok I take that back, I get a few but then after awhile when the person cant seem to help me figure out they give up. OR they only post once and don't post again. And the topic ends up dying and later I have to go back and either bump up the topic or post a new one. If it was any body else OH every one would jump to help that person. But when it comes down to me its like no one ever wants to help me. I don't understand why. And I don't exactly have the prove. But I have quite a few time posted some threads in support forums and they get no reply. Or they get maybe one or two. They get a fucking shit load of views but no replies.
BUT yet a little bit later I will see the exact same thread with the exact same problem I was having. But this one is posted by a different person. And every one is jumping in and replying trying to help this person out with their problem. Its like dude I just fucking posted this exact same fucking problem not to long ago but you fucking jack asses wouldn't even fucking bother to stop being so fucking lazy and fucking help me. I mean I don't actually say this to them but I want to. Cause I know that if I said it of course I will be banned and I wouldn't want that now would I. But it just pisses me off. And I just posted some help on a forum about my logo. And on a forum about a problem I was having with windows movie maker. And it was like no one was wanting to help me. And I was describing every thing that was going wrong. But I also said that I did this or I did that. Like with the movie maker problem. Ok first the problem is that the video saves but it wont play. Then it gives me a message saying it cant be saved cause you dont have enough disk space. Or that the clips in the video have either been moved or modified. And I just fucking said that no of those were true.
I haven't moved the videos nor have I modified them in any way. And I had the disk space on my computer to save. And I had the space in the folder to save. So there was no real reason for this error to be showing up. But the idiot said "Make sure the videos haven't been moved or modified. And make sure you have the space." DUDE I JUST FUCKING SAID THAT I DIDNT MOVE THEM NOR DID I MODIFY THEN AND I DID FUCKING HAVE THE SPACE TO SAVE IT. YOU JUST DONT FUCKING PAY A BIT OF FUCKING ADDITION. NO BODY EVER PAYS A BIT OF FUCKING ADDITION WHEN I SAY THINGS. And I am so fucking pissed off. No I am so far past pissed off I am lapping it for the 2nd time. Right now I am listening to Disturbed to try and keep myself calm. I don't want to hurt myself again. And that is also the reason why I am blogging this. Cause talking about it whether it is with some one or in a blog it still makes me feel better. And listening to Disturbed always helps me stay calm. I don't know what it is about their music. They always say that this kind of music is supposed to make you angry and/or violent. But with me it actually calms me. For me a lot of the time things that should effect me in a certain way effect me in the opposite way.
Like things that should make me angry. Don't, but that don't go for all things. Things that should make me angry such as my CD skipping makes me angry. Things that should offend me don't. Things that should make me cry don't. Things that shouldnt make me cry..........well don't lol. Anyways you get my point don't you. So I am gonna listen to Disturbed till I feel as calm as I can possibly get. Then I should probably go to bed. That is if the guys at the damn support forums haven't answered me. I want to try and get this fixed tonight. Cause there is a video I made that I would like to save and I can't seem to save it. And it is pissing the fucking hell out of me. But I am trying to stay calm. Don't want to hurt myself like last time. Anyways think I have made this post long enough. Hope you guys enjoyed my little rant.
~Peace Out
The Disturbed 0ne
AggravatedI don't know what it is about me. I don't know why but its just like every time I ask for help no one wants to help me. Its just not fair, when ever I post in support forums. I get no responses.....Ok I take that back, I get a few but then after awhile when the person cant seem to help me figure out they give up. OR they only post once and don't post again. And the topic ends up dying and later I have to go back and either bump up the topic or post a new one. If it was any body else OH every one would jump to help that person. But when it comes down to me its like no one ever wants to help me. I don't understand why. And I don't exactly have the prove. But I have quite a few time posted some threads in support forums and they get no reply. Or they get maybe one or two. They get a fucking shit load of views but no replies.
BUT yet a little bit later I will see the exact same thread with the exact same problem I was having. But this one is posted by a different person. And every one is jumping in and replying trying to help this person out with their problem. Its like dude I just fucking posted this exact same fucking problem not to long ago but you fucking jack asses wouldn't even fucking bother to stop being so fucking lazy and fucking help me. I mean I don't actually say this to them but I want to. Cause I know that if I said it of course I will be banned and I wouldn't want that now would I. But it just pisses me off. And I just posted some help on a forum about my logo. And on a forum about a problem I was having with windows movie maker. And it was like no one was wanting to help me. And I was describing every thing that was going wrong. But I also said that I did this or I did that. Like with the movie maker problem. Ok first the problem is that the video saves but it wont play. Then it gives me a message saying it cant be saved cause you dont have enough disk space. Or that the clips in the video have either been moved or modified. And I just fucking said that no of those were true.
I haven't moved the videos nor have I modified them in any way. And I had the disk space on my computer to save. And I had the space in the folder to save. So there was no real reason for this error to be showing up. But the idiot said "Make sure the videos haven't been moved or modified. And make sure you have the space." DUDE I JUST FUCKING SAID THAT I DIDNT MOVE THEM NOR DID I MODIFY THEN AND I DID FUCKING HAVE THE SPACE TO SAVE IT. YOU JUST DONT FUCKING PAY A BIT OF FUCKING ADDITION. NO BODY EVER PAYS A BIT OF FUCKING ADDITION WHEN I SAY THINGS. And I am so fucking pissed off. No I am so far past pissed off I am lapping it for the 2nd time. Right now I am listening to Disturbed to try and keep myself calm. I don't want to hurt myself again. And that is also the reason why I am blogging this. Cause talking about it whether it is with some one or in a blog it still makes me feel better. And listening to Disturbed always helps me stay calm. I don't know what it is about their music. They always say that this kind of music is supposed to make you angry and/or violent. But with me it actually calms me. For me a lot of the time things that should effect me in a certain way effect me in the opposite way.
Like things that should make me angry. Don't, but that don't go for all things. Things that should make me angry such as my CD skipping makes me angry. Things that should offend me don't. Things that should make me cry don't. Things that shouldnt make me cry..........well don't lol. Anyways you get my point don't you. So I am gonna listen to Disturbed till I feel as calm as I can possibly get. Then I should probably go to bed. That is if the guys at the damn support forums haven't answered me. I want to try and get this fixed tonight. Cause there is a video I made that I would like to save and I can't seem to save it. And it is pissing the fucking hell out of me. But I am trying to stay calm. Don't want to hurt myself like last time. Anyways think I have made this post long enough. Hope you guys enjoyed my little rant.
~Peace Out
The Disturbed 0ne
Sep 6, 2008
My stupidity
Current mood: 
Depressed
I don't really know why I did it. But I got mad cause I was just irritated. And I slammed my fist in to something. Its not important what it was. I hit it so hard I didnt break it but I bruised it pretty bad. Its all purple now and its swollen. I've even got a small cut on it. And it hurts like a son of a bitch. lol Never again will I ever do any thing stupid like that again. I don't know why I did it. I was having fun and then I had to go and hurt my self. Thats what pisses the hell out of me. Its like I am not entitled to have fun. Cause its like every time I try I get hurt. Or just some thing happens and my fun is just ruined. What the hell is it about me that I cant even have some simple fun with out getting hurt? I don't know what the hell I did. ARGH!! Whatever.
~Peace out~
Disturbed Goddess
aka
David's Goddess
DepressedI don't really know why I did it. But I got mad cause I was just irritated. And I slammed my fist in to something. Its not important what it was. I hit it so hard I didnt break it but I bruised it pretty bad. Its all purple now and its swollen. I've even got a small cut on it. And it hurts like a son of a bitch. lol Never again will I ever do any thing stupid like that again. I don't know why I did it. I was having fun and then I had to go and hurt my self. Thats what pisses the hell out of me. Its like I am not entitled to have fun. Cause its like every time I try I get hurt. Or just some thing happens and my fun is just ruined. What the hell is it about me that I cant even have some simple fun with out getting hurt? I don't know what the hell I did. ARGH!! Whatever.
~Peace out~
Disturbed Goddess
aka
David's Goddess
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