Promises and Concerns

Just to make this clear for every one. I wanted to get this off my chest. I understand you guys are concerned. And I thank you for it but there is no need to worry about me. There are a lot of things that are good that go on in my life. I don't blog about them because this blog is more for my rants. I know I make it seem like I am depressed.

But just because there is nothing but rants and problems dont mean there is any thing wrong. Don't get me wrong I am glad there are people that are concerned about me. It lets me know I am loved and that I have friends. But as I've said this blog is only a type of therapy.

Blogging, ranting, cursing is therapy for me. It releases that anger and it helps. Listening to Disturbed helps. A lot of people thing it would have an opposite effect. That it would make you violent. But I think that you have to be a violent person by nature. And I am not, I am a sweet, nice, loving girl by nature. I would never hurt any one, or any animal.

The only damage I have ever done is when I would always used to slam my fist into things when I was mad. How do you think I hurt my finger? How do you think I bent my arm backwards? It was me having one of my fits. That is when I came up with the idea to rant about it all in a blog. It helps release the anger in the same way hitting things would release the anger. Only with out any damage to my self or any poor walls or CD players.

I feel better after ranting. And when I rant as I blog, as I sit here I am listening to Disturbed. And this all calms me. And its already starting to work. Metal, Rock, Nu metal, hardcore, ect... It don't effect you in the way that most people would think. With me things that should piss me off. Well don't, any thing that should offend me kind of don't. Music that should make me act a certain way doesn't.

The music only effects you if you let it. And yes when you listen to Disturbed. Lyrically they sound "Dark and Domestic" As some people have told me. But their genre is Nu Metal. And a lot of music of this or any type of Rock sounds this way. Metal music isn't going to sound like those oldies and country your parents and grandparents grew up with.

Its a lot harder and sounds darker. But when you read the lyric meanings. You will realize their not talking bout what you may thing their talking about. They don't sound as "Dark and Domestic" when you know what the songs are really about. And I also think that if you know what their really talking about it wont effect you in the way most people would think. Trust me I have been a fan of Disturbed for 4 years now. And it hasn't changed me in any negative way. The only reason I am having the problems I am having is not due to the music I listen to. But due to the idiots that are around me. Its those idiots that I gotta deal with on a daily bases.

Most of those idiots where that big group of friends I used to hang out with. In which I don't any more so most of my problems are gone. The rest are problems with my mother. And in some cases I know shes only doing whats right for me. But theres a lot of other shit that she dose that wouldn't really fall under the "Whats right for me" Category. Which brings me to the promises part of this blog.

Never make a promise you can not keep. My mother promised me that she would take me to the store to by some headphones. But she turns around and makes that a complete lie and breaks her promise. She has no real reason as to why she wont take me. She just wont take me, and its irritating me. And she couldn't figure out why I was mad. We went shopping for my sisters wedding dress. And my mom thought I was mad cause I didn't get a dress. And she goes "you're not getting married"

NO SHIT MOTHER! I know that, I am not fucking mad that I didn't get a fucking dress. 1st off I hate dresses. I don't give a fucking rats ass if I get one or not. I wouldn't ever ware it unless I had to. 2nd off why would I be mad about not getting a dress? That just confused me a bit. Why would she think that was why I was mad? We were shopping for my sister. We were not shopping for me and I know that. So I don't care if I get one or not. I still don't understand why she thought that would make me mad?

And Now I don't know if she or my dad will take me to the store to get my headphones. I would like to try and get them soon. As the ones I had broke. They still work but the headband part of it broke. And now I cant put it on my head. I have taped it back together temporary. But it won't adjust as the tape is over the adjustable part. And eventually the tape will start to come up and pull my hair. And the pink ear buds I am using right now are too high pitched. And are starting to fall apart.

So I really need my headphones. Cause I can't listen to my music (My Disturbed) with my speakers: 1 cause my mother hates Disturbed and 2 I wont be able to turn it up that loud cause she'll yell at me. And I have to turn it up enough so I can hear it. Its gotta be loud it makes it easier to get my frustrations out.

Anyways gotta go Lunch is ready.

~Peace out