Memories of the Past

Current mood: Bored

Nothing much really has gone on today. Had to clean my turtle and baby sit. So I am kind of worn out. lol I know I said I had a lot more to talk about. But things have just been crazy. Been busy doing tons of other shit. Working on my other websites doing stuff around the house. Baby sitting my cute little nephew. So I've never gotten around to actually writing down any thing. As you may or may not know. But a while back I (for lack of better word) Had a boyfriend. I mean we never actually met in person. We met over the internet. And we hadn't really known each other long. So I don't quite know if it would have been considered a BF/GF relationship. But like I said for lack of a better word. Every thing was going great. He was flirting with me all the time. I can remember those days like it just happened yesterday. Rocky (that was his name) and my friend and I would like talk every day. And my friend was the one that set us up. And he would pick on me and Rocky all the time. And in a way it brought us closer together.

Hes kind of started getting on my nerves. I hadn't really talked to him much. It's just like he would ignore me. Pretend I wasn't even there. And when he signs on his msn he don't really say hi to me like he used to. We used to talk for close to half an hour. And then our convos just got shorter and shorter. Till it was just him saying hi to me. Then he stopped even doing that. I mean he said "Hi sweety" to me like once in a blue freaking moon. But he'd rather play his stupid game then talk to me. Its like some times he seems like he don't care. My friend the one that set us up kept saying some thing to him. And he just acted like he didn't care. I guess thats the problem with a 16 dating a 23 year old. Which I am 17 now and hes 24 now. But whatever it don't really matter any more.

I've actually known him for about 7 months now. And I've had a crush on him for awhile. But I was always to shy to say some thing to him. And I had this feeling he liked me. And I'm sure he was shy too. I told my friend about my crush. He always teased me saying he was gonna tell. Any ways I eventually told him it was ok to tell him. Cause I was just to shy to say any thing. And my friend was the one that brought us together. We had SOOOO much in common. He was just soooo sweet and he made me laugh. I didn't ever remember a time in my life when I was happier. He just made me SOOO happy. My parents don't know. And they wont ever know. lol Hes only 7 years older then me. We talked alot and hung out alot. He was just the greatest guy I'd ever met.

I don't know what happened. Where did every thing go wrong? I was so happy. He was so sweet, then all of a sudden every thing was taken away from me in just a split moment. I had felt bad physical pain before. Like the time I slammed my head in to a brick wall. And the time my arm bent back wards. The pain went all over me. I felt dizzy, light headed. I felt weak and couldnt stand up. It was bad. But the emotional pain I feel, is nothing compared to those put together. And it hurt so bad. And I've had friends tell me bad things about him. That a part of me hoped/wished weren't true. Cause of the way he treated me. And the fact that he did like me and the fact I liked him too. I just didnt want any of it to be true. Now I am starting to believe some of the things my friends are telling me. He treated me like this like 4 or 5 times. But I was too stupid to say any thing. But some how he just changed and started being all sweet and nice again. And I was a fool to get sucked back into it.

Like I said I am starting to believe what my friends are saying about him. I am starting to see that every thing they said is true. And it hurts, the last time he did this to me and I got sucked back into it. I thought I was prepared enough cause I knew that it was going to happen again. But I loved (for lack of better word) him so I was stupid and I got sucked back in. It just felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. I didn't know what to say to him. I was afraid to say any thing. I dont know why but I was afraid I would lose him. I was afraid that some how some way I would make him mad and make every thing worse. And I didn't want to do that.

But of course now I am over all of that. And Since I have rambled on for so long. I'll tell you in my next entry every thing that he did that made me realized. He wasnt going to change. So I moved on. I'm tired of typing so I am gonna end this entry and tell you the rest later.

~Peace out~

Disturbed Goddess
aka
David's Goddess